How to Overcome Negative Emotions and Turn Them into Positive Ones

Reframe your mind.

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Meditation, writing down everything we are grateful for, keeping a diary — there are so many practices that teach us positive thinking. But what to do in situations when these don’t help? When negative emotions are flooding our mind and breathing deeply is the last thing we can imagine doing?

In such situations we need a method that is easy to follow — applicable and convenient. A method to deal with anxieties and anger, the feelings we usually have towards difficult but unavoidable situations.

We need reframing

Reframing helps us realize our negative emotions and take control of them. It is a technique of changing our negative experiences in an inevitable situation to positive ones.

What exactly is reframing?

It is a process of adopting new points of view towards well-known situations, experiences and events, usually aggravating ones. It was recorded as a psychological technique during the 1980s. The modern Danish sociologist Anette Prehn introduces in her books and courses a reframing method based on core neurological principles.

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Why do we need a special technique to deal with negative emotions?

If our mum is constantly interfering in our life, and we are irritated by her, trying to accept that she is just worried about us will not do.

Our brain reacts very quickly to situations that stress us. The primitive part of the brain, precisely the amygdala, takes control and, with it, all the resources. The thinking part, the prefrontal cortex, is being cut off and shuts down. Dealing with the situation we have two possibilities — fight or flight. On an emotional level, we react with anger or anxiety. If we want to intercept these feelings, we have to prevent the amygdala from taking control. Unfortunately, this process takes only milliseconds and we are aware of it. In other words, we realize what happens in our minds when it is too late.

How to reframe then?

Anette Prehn has developed an easy-to-follow recipe to train our minds. It cultivates the skill of evaluating negative situations as neutral or even positive and skipping the stressful experience.

The recipe step by step:

We take a piece of paper, a pen, and a situation that makes us angry or anxious, one we don’t want to have in our lives. We think of the emotions and then the attitude we have towards this situation. Afterwards, we imagine the life we would have if things stay the same and decide if we want that life. Then we write on our piece of paper all the new, preferably positive points of view towards the situation that come to mind. We need at least fifteen such reframings, preferably thirty. In the end, we choose the two or three of them that make us feel the best and we memorize them.

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How I managed a negative situation and reframed it:

Dropping off and picking up children at my daughter’s kindergarten has been made more difficult by the ongoing pandemic. Parents are allowed in one by one. I have to hurry while dressing up my child. Unfortunately, my daughter is not a fast one. Furthermore, my 18-month-old son, who is also there, seizes every possible chance to run into one of the rooms.

The other parents get displeased and the director used to rebuke me every other day. She made me feel as if I was back at school. I started feeling stressed before heading towards the nursery. And before asking my husband to take over the task, I tried Prehn’s technique.

This was my list of new interpretations:

1. If my daughter gets time to dress herself, her self-confidence grows.
2. She deserves all the time in the world.
3. I support her and our bond strengthens.
4. If I help her, she feels loved and appreciated.
5. In this case, my son runs away, he develops a feeling of autonomy.
6. He deserves freedom.
7. I enable him to satisfy his curiosity and experience something new.
8. I can persuade him to stay with us and teach him self-control.
9. This way I train my creativity.
10. My children have the right to be themselves.
11. I defend the needs my children have.
12. My self-confidence grows too.
13. I am an example of self-esteem for my children.
14. I train myself how to stay calm.
15. I learn to care less about what people think of us.
16. I get more resilient.
17. At least we don’t have to dress in the cold. (At our pediatrician’s we have to.)
18. I accept that the kindergarten team doesn’t have it easy either.
19. The director is a pretty emotional person.
20. She has the urge to control the situation.
21. She is used to shouting at children and has forgotten how to speak with adults.
22. She is just very stressed
23. The other parents deal with their оwn children and probably don’t even notice us.
24. Anyway staring at us would be rude.
25. It is not their concern.

and so on …

Could it be easier to develop a positive attitude?

The first thing we intuitively do when dealing with overwhelming negative emotions is to forbid ourselves to feel them. This doesn’t work. The brain has difficulty understanding abstract expressions like “no”. If we try not to think of a rose elephant, we would inevitably do.

The next action we try is to force positive thinking. Which also ends up not bearing fruit. The human brain copes badly with prohibitions no matter how disciplined we are. The more we repress a will, the stronger it gets. Everyone who has ever tried a diet knows how strong the desire for sweets becomes over time.

A third possible strategy is a concentration on two to three positive viewpoints, the ones we immediately have in mind. This leads to a mediocre result. And the next time around we get angry or anxious again.

So taking the time for thirty different new perspectives does matter.

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What is reframing also good for

Writing down all our personal views of a situation is the same as being a good photographer — we take thirty different shots of the same landscape. Imperceptibly, we develop positive emotions towards difficult situations. Also, we have the opportunity to choose the best images, the ones suiting us the most. We undermine our own opinion and gain self-confidence. Probably the next time we are so assertive that no one cares to irritate us.

For sure I have learned how to have fun with the kids while being in the nursery. And the director never bothered to reprove us. I suppose she didn’t dare.

When we use reframing it affects positively the people in our surroundings too. The more positive our attitude is, the calmer we are, the better-balanced our loved ones become. For this, we just have to practise.

Here is a good idea of how to start: if you like this article, share it and leave your comment or feedback.